Would you call this attitude a bad mother?
Category: Baby Patterns
I don’t consider myself a bad mother because I love my son with all my heart and do everything I can to ensure he is taken care of. But sometimes I feel like a total failure or a selfish person which, I am not known to be selfish at all. My son recently turned three months. I feel we do have a bond although it took some time for me to recognize that. This is my first child and I have been going through a lot emotionally. I don’t know if it’s postpartum or what it going on, but I was never used to being around kids. I always knew I wanted my own but never thought it would happen. I am having a really hard time accepting the fact that things have changed. My husband and I both work full-time and it seems I never have time to get things done around the house. I wasn’t a neat freak before having my son but I did like to keep things in some sort of order. I often feel mentally and physically drained. When I do think I have a free minute to clean up or do something I am always proven wrong. My son either starts crying because he’s ready to eat (it seems like all I do is feed him sometimes) or it’s time to give him a bath, put him to sleep or something of that nature. I spend a great amount of time entertaining him (holding and playing with him). It can be so tiring at times. He will only sit in his swing for so long these days, and I really don’t like leaving him there for long period of time as it makes me feel guilty. I don’t want him spending time watching TV or staring into space. I knew things would be different and that time would be limited, but it seems I have no time to myself at all unless I stay up after he goes to bed at night (which I often do).
He really is a content baby for the most part. Like any other baby, he cries and whines but really isn’t a problem. But sometimes he will start crying and seems it takes forever for him to stop. At times this really drives me insane especially when it’s at 1:00 in the morning. We check for the obvious things – soiled/wet diaper, hungry, pain, etc. His sleep pattern is actually improving and he has been sleeping anywhere from 4 to 8 hours during the night. I think the sleep deprivation is what was really getting me down. When I finally laid down to sleep I would literally pray that he sleep through the night so I could get some rest; and found myself flinching if I heard even the slightest movement. Also, I have found it difficult to go out and do things with the carrier/car seat. It is so heavy and no matter how light I try to pack the diaper bag it always seems bulky. Don’t even mention the massive stroller I have to use if we’re going to a huge place like a mall. Yesterday, we went to take pictures and he was cranky the entire time. I felt overwhelmed trying to run into the bathroom and change his outfits. I also feel odd changing him in a public restroom (make that 100x more stressed if the restroom doesn’t have a built in changing table) and having to feed him (he usually spits up even after burping which is sort of agitating … the doctor said it’s normal) while we’re out to dinner. I feel like I look unorganized and out of order, even though everything is together.
On several occasions I have opted to stay at home instead of going out, just to avoid having to deal with fixing bottles, packing diaper bags, loading the car, dealing with the stroller, etc. It just seems like so much work to get prepared and so much work while you’re out doing what you need to do. My husband is extremely helpful but as most of you can probably agree with, it still seems a good portion of the care is on me. I don’t mean to sound negative or like I am ungrateful for my son because I truly am. But I am being totally honest, being a mother is stressful. It’s so stressful that I am convinced I don’t want another. My husband is actually troubled by this and looks at me like I’m crazy when I say that. People are always telling me I will feel differently as he grows up but I really don’t see it. I am devoted to giving my son the best life possible, but I don’t myself having another child. At least I am being true to myself. Being a parent is a job that never ends. You really have to be committed (to be considered a good parent, in my opinion) and it takes up all your time. I bought some things I have been wanting to setup like three weeks ago and I can’t see to get to them yet! It seems like by the time I pick him up from my mom’s or get home from the gym (when my husband picks him up), the time just dwindles away.
Does anyone have any suggestions on how I can manage my time better and get things done? Do you think I am a bad parent for feeling this way? Maybe I can change my train of thought if I hear from others.
Our babies were born on the same day.. the 27th of January.. Your child is 12 weeks. Not 3 months. They turn 3 months on the 27 of this month which is tomarrow.
You are not a bad parent-you are a normal parent. Every mother I know (myself included) has experienced or is experiencing the same feelings you are. It is a pain in the butt to go out with a baby, the diaper bags are always bulky, and the house is always a mess. The only thing I can recommend is having someone babysit for a couple hours so you can put things in order. Having the time to do something productive will do wonders for you. It will get better when hes older, you wont have to pack everything just to leave the house, and hell be able to communicate what he wants/needs. And you’re not a bad parent for not wanting another one either. Many women are content with one and never plan on having more. Hang in there, good luck, and congrats on the baby.
You are a great mother, because bad paret would never wrote such a nice lines like you. I am relatively young, 26, and I don’t have kids yet, but all what I feel from this is that you are just tired. That’s all. First months are like that, you’ll be tired and pi ssed off, but I don’t think this is something unusuall – lot of mothers thinking like that when its fresh. But after few months, years, you will be happy like never ever before, because this little piece of s… which destroy your healthy sleep is the best thing in your life.
And I can say this for sure even i dont know you at all.
that’s my honest opinion. you are a good parent.
the fact that you always want to choose your baby first makes you a good mom. i know how you feel, and now you know firsthand that you cannot do it all! you might have a touch of pp depression, just make that extra effort to get fresh air and sunshine each day. also, get a baby carrier or bouncer that way you and baby can be together in each room while you get things done. i really only get a few things done each day besides care for the kids: dishes, clothes, cook and maybe sweep. then i pick a chore and get to it if i can. my hubby is actually away now on deployment so it’s really just me. if i’m not at work i’m with the kiddies 7, 6, and 5 months. my baby is always hanging off me in a wrap and my girls always have some event or sport to attend. so, we HAVE to go out, but if i had the choice i’d totally be holed up in the house too. overtime you will find a balance, and decide there is no need to be a mommy martyr. if you don’t get it all done today, or the baby has to “stare into space” for 15 minutes, try again the next day.
Oh my gosh yes…this is so perfectly normal!! And it does not make you a bad mother!! My first suggestion would be to talk to your OB/GYN about postpartum and see if there is something they can recommend. My next suggestion is to just breath! Is there anyone you can leave the baby with for at least a full day so you can do something just for yourself outside of work? Even if it just staying at home in the quite, this will help! Hang in there and now you are not along and not the only new mom that has felt this way! I so remember it! And when people tell you that it will get better, it really does…believe me. My son is now 18 and I enjoy him more now than when he was a baby.
p.s. if you would like to email me, please do.
i also have a son who just turned 3 months and Im on maternity and still feel like i have no time to do anything you sound to me like a normal stressed overwhelmed first time parent. woudnt call you a bad mother thats for sure ( cant even imagine working right now) And as far as having more kids its completely up to you. your the one who goes through the pregnancy and does the majority of the care giving but i wouldnt say no for sure just yet. baby equipment (stollers ect… ) are bulky but i find it fun to be able to take my baby out and dont even think about it. I also try as much as possible not to bring the car seat out of the car when i go out I just carry him most of the time if its not practicle to have the stroller… hope some of this helps
My son is turning 4 months soon I too feel like you an some days, but not all the time. I enjoy every minute i spend with him, sometimes I find it hard to believe i have a child now, it really feels like its a long day dream or something. And i find that if i am feeling a little run down or tired and i put him with his toys to entertain himself while i get house work done (which works wonders by the way) I feel a little guilty about not devoting every second of my time to him, but i do know it is better for him to have some alone time with out mom hovering over him. I have it a little easier then you as before becoming a parent i was a home maker, so being at home is not new to me, but i am still feeling like my house work is waying me down. One thing i do is i make realistic goal for the day, like going for a walk, going to see a friend for lunch (I always have a bagged packed for outings , and for feedings i put sterilized warm wate rin a thermos, and out formula in the bottles, so i can quickly just add water to the bottles for feedings)
Other realistic goals:
-wash floors
- bathrooms
-gardening
-dusting
-shopping
-organizing a drawer or shelf
-taking down winter decor, and putting up spring decor.
It may take me all week to get these things done , but at least i have a goal for the day as my son sleeps, sometimes i may only get half my floors washed in the morning then finish the other half 4 hours later, but I don’t beat myself up over getting stuff done.
your answer needs to be plastered up on billboards in major citiies to help prevent teenagers from becoming mothers. that said, you are not a bad mom. you are honest and real and you are posting what most of us are going through but dont come right out and say it. it is all so true though. i have a 2 year old son and a 6 week old daughter and i wouldnt wish to have never had either one but, my life is definitely nowhere near what it used to be, and, i stay at home. i do make sure to always make some time for myself though. if i dont then i wont be as strong and ready to deal with day to day activities. just know that you will eventually fall into a routine that will work with you and your son. the other thing you want to remember is to not do too much. tell your husband that you need him to help with certain things. ask him to pack the diaperbag the night before you leave, change the baby in the morning or get him ready for bed, make a nighttime routine that includes the 3 of you and i think the most important thing is to slow down. you move too fast like this and you are sure to have a meltdown. good luck to you!
Welcome to motherhood, dear!
It’s a rollercoaster. It’s fun, tiring, exciting, stressful, sometimes it’s a pain in the as&, but it’s all definitely worth it.
Sometimes I stay home instead of trying to deal with lugging everything around.
Just because you don’t want another doesn’t make you a bad mother. Lots of people only have one child. But deciding to have (or not have) another is something you need to discuss with your husband (which I’m sure you’re well aware).
No, dear, you’re not a bad mother. I’m sure that to your son, you are the best possible mommy in the world, and he loves you more than anything. Cheer up. If you’re still worried though, talk to your doctor. Maybe you have postpartum depression. Very possible, but only a doctor can tell you for sure.
GOOD LUCK!